An English girl's problems with Thai boys...

B woke early and went off to work.  It was a beautiful day so I decided not to waste it.  I showered, did my morning exercises and then headed off on my motorbike to Relax Cafe for breakfast.  If you ever find yourself in Krabi town then you must breakfast at Relax! The coffee, sourced from the north of Thailand, is simply the best in town.  And the breakfast is pretty good too.  There is a massive choice from full English breakfast to Thai rice porridge.  There is a veggie option for pretty much everything, soya milk options and quick, efficient, friendly staff.  I really can't recommend it enough.  If any of you readers out there end up going to Relax then please drop me a line and I will show your messages to the owner... and hopefully get free breakfasts for life:)

Anyway, coming back to my story, I demolished a big breakfast and ordered another Americano.  It was hot, black and strong...just the way I like it.  I had an outside table and was in no hurry so I sipped appreciatively at my coffee and watched the world go by.  The temperature was still pleasantly cool in the shade although the tropical sun was gaining strength by the minute.  I felt happy and contented...which was hardly surprising really.  I suppose it sounds very shallow but sex and food really are and have been the two great pleasures in my life.  Those two combined with a lack of responsibility, of course.

A skinny girl wearing tiny denim shorts and flip-flops on a scooter drew up and parked on the opposite side of the road.  As she took off her helmet, I recognised her as Karen, an English girl I had taught with with at Khao Pranom school last year.  She was from south London and, unusually for this part of Thailand, was a properly qualified teacher.  She could have been earning £30,000 back home but instead she was on 30,000 baht (£600) per month here.  Her face broke into a smile when she spotted me.

"Hey Benny boy! When did you get here? Is there anyone sitting here or are you with a friend?"

"No, no.  Sit down," I said.  " I got here three days ago.  How are you?"

"Yeah, not bad.  I'm not teaching a Khao Pranom anymore.  I had a big argument with Ajarn Prem...silly bitch! I can't believe that she was lying to the other teachers about me behind my back!  She was spreading rumours that I was shagging Mr Chokchai! Can you believe that?!"

She picked up the menu.  "Hmmm.  Now what shall I have? I really fancy a full English but I really need to lose weight.  I'm not skinny enough.  I want to be able to see my ribs when I'm not sucking my tummy in, see?"

She pulled up her t-shirt and displayed her skinny torso and the obligatory belly piercing to me.

"Hmmm," I said.  "Looks like you could do with putting on weight to me."

She uncrossed and then recrossed her long legs.  "No, I wanna be skinnier than this.  I wanna be as skinny as my boyfriend then when I hug him in bed I can feel our bones grating against each other. Anyway, how's your love life?"

"Not bad...bit quite.  How's yours?"

"Hang on, I just gonna order."

She went inside to the counter and then came back again.

"So yeah, my love life.  Well I'm a bit pissed off with my boyfriend at the moment.  You know, he works at the Foo Bar and he's an arsehole basically.  He keeps lying to me and stealing my money.  And he's crap in bed."

"Sounds perfect.  How old is he?"

"19."

"You child molester! How old are you? 26?"

"No, 25.  Gosh I really wish I was 18!  Anyway, I really fancy his younger brother.  He's 17 and even skinnier than my boyfriend.  That's why I'm trying to lose weight so that I can seduce his younger brother!"