More problems with Thai girls

December 2010. (Okay, okay I know this post is 2 years older than the previous one but I just found it and as it relates to the thorny issue of the Problem with Thai Girls, I figured that it belongs here.

Awoke early to a glorious sunny morning.  P came to my room not long after I got up but did not respond well to my advances.  Instead she bit me and gave me a love bite on my neck as well just to spite me so that other girls would think that I already had a girlfriend.  It is a hopeless situation.  I have neither the freedom of being single nor the sexual advantages of being in a normal relationship.  Today I must finish this silly ‘relationship’ or I shall go mad.

I showered and the water was barely a trickle.  Apparently, this going to be fixed today.  Breakfast in my room then down to Pi Lek’s for morning coffee.  Returned to my room to respond to my emails and transfer money to International House for my CELTA course next month.

Early and delicious lunch at the Italian restaurant.  I had bruschetta as a starter then spaghetti with a simple but good pesto sauce.  Penne, the owner, told me that she is selling up and going to concentrate on her organic farm in Kao Pronom.

After lunch I took the motorbike to Ao Nang.  This was the first hot day I’d experienced this time in Thailand and it was wonderful to feel the heat soaking into my body.  After all the rain, the tropical vegetation looked incredibly lush, the vivid green standing out against the blue sky.  When I got to the coast, I found the tide in and the bay was just amazing.

I went for a delicious swim and lazed about in the water, looking up at the towering cliffs.  I got out and applied sun cream as the early afternoon sun was probably dangerously strong.  As I couldn’t really do my own back properly, I asked a nearby buxom German girl to put sun cream on for me.  I felt really corny as if I was trying to pull off the oldest beach chat up line in the world. 

She seem a little startled but proceeded apply sun cream with a surprising sensuality.  She went on massaging and stroking my back for ages after the cream was rubbed in.  However, I didn’t try any conversation while she massaged my love handles and all sorts of other places I could have easily reached myself.  Which was probably just as well because not long after, her boyfriend (I presume) arrived and lay down next to her.  I have no idea if she told him about me or not but I congratulated myself upon maintaining my usual reserve.

 A couple of swims and a good soaking in the sun later, I headed to Starbucks to try a Soya Caramel latte.  Twas very goodly indeed.  It was late afternoon before I headed back to town and watched the sunset from the balcony of my apartment.  Then I tried the shower.  Bliss! It was gushing out like the waterfall I visited yesterday. 

I felt very relaxed.  I thought of P and my relationship problems.  I decided that I’d had enough of being ‘Thai style’.  From now on, I would always be straight with myself and everyone. Then I headed to the night market by the river to get a cheap, Thai meal of veg and tofu over rice with banana shake and Thai old fashioned style tea.

It was fairly quiet at the market.  It was a lovely balmy evening.  The temperature was perfect.  I sat and ate in a leisurely, contented silence.  Suddenly P appeared out of nowhere and sat down opposite me.  She was looking very pretty.

“Would you like to go to a funeral?” she asked me.

“Whose funeral? Yours?”

She laughed.  “No, one of the very old neighbours has just died. I’m going with my mother and I don’t know who else to ask.”

Well, to be honest, the idea didn’t fill me with the greatest enthusiasm.  I’d heard better invites in my time.  If she’d invited me back to my room to have a night of sex, yes!  Or even a quickie.  But a Thai funeral….

The gentle Reader can doubt discern that my obsession with sex was never far from my mind.  You wouldn’t need a degree in psychology to work that one out.

“Well….erm….hmmmm,” I said.  “Would you like anything to eat?”

“No, I’ve already eaten.  I’ve been thinking that I should finish with you,” she added.  “Maybe finish today.”

I mulled this over.  It was what I’d been thinking about most of the day and now she was going to make it easy for me.  Strangely enough, this didn’t fill me with the enthusiasm that I thought it would have.  After all, I could have brought all sorts of girls back to my room without waiting for that dreaded knock on the door at a compromising moment that all men who have more than one lady friend on the go fears.  Instead I felt rather depressed.

“Ok, let’s go to the funeral,” I said.

We headed off.  But as soon as we left the brightly lit market, I noticed that my motorbike headlight wasn’t working.  I breathed a sigh of relief.

“I must get this fixed,” I told her.  “I’ll catch up with you at the funeral later.”

Amazingly, at 8pm, there was still a garage open.  The boy working there grinned cheerfully at me and said something about me going home for a long time.  He soon fixed the light, charged me 50 baht and I was off in the direction of the funeral again.

As I wasn’t quite sure where it was, I rang P.  Another stroke of luck.  She didn’t pick up.  I decided to call it a day and went home.  No sooner had I arrived then she rang me.

“Where are you, Ben?”

“I’ve just got home.”

“Ok, I’ll come and see you.”

Two minutes later, there was a knock on my door and P came in looking radiantly beautiful.  I felt a sudden rush of lust and love for her.  I realised then that I couldn’t finish with her as planned.  My love life had just got complicated again. 

I told her how beautiful she was and gathered her into my arms.  She allowed herself to be gathered and even offered her soft full lips for a kiss.  Things progressed very nicely and I was just working up to jumping her when her phone rang.  It was her dad asking to speak to her mum.

“I’ve got to return to the funeral,” said P picking up her jacket and heading for the door

She kissed me quickly and left.  Gloomily, I sat down on the bed and sighed

“Whatever, you do,” I said, “Never have a traditional Thai/Chinese girlfriend who still lives with her parents….it just isn’t worth it.”