The sexual obsessions of a 30s TEFL teacher

Woke up early again. Weather was still perfect. In fact, it wasn’t far off a perfect English summer in Cornwall. It was warm but there was still a pleasant coolness underlying it all.

After I had showered and meditated and was contemplating the pleasant day ahead, the realisation suddenly struck me that this very moment that we are in is of vital importance as it affects what will follow. If one is to have a good life and future then one shouldn’t entertain a single negative thought of any kind as this will lead onto other negatively related thoughts and experiences. Positive thinking is so important.

I ate a good breakfast at Relax Coffee and met Jim from England who lives here half of the year. After a chat over a leisurely coffee, I headed off to swim at Ao Nang. It was glorious there….lovely cool, green water….soaking up the head of the morning sun between swims under the swaying palms…magic.

I came back to have lunch at the Jai shop and had an excellent lunch for all of 35 baht! Then I returned to my apartment for a shower and siesta. I slept for what seemed like ages but was actually only an hour. Then I arose, showered again and thought about an afternoon coffee. Then it started to pour with rain. Not wanting to waste time, I wrote my diary. It’s been a pretty good day, I reflected. All I need to complete it is to have a good rampant session tonight. The Gentle Reader shall find out if I got it later.

Now, as I look out of the window, I see that the rain has stopped and the sky looks bright. Bearing in mind what I wrote in the second paragraph of today’s entry, I shall sally forth with positive thoughts in the present moment…and who knows what delightful experiences I shall have when I go out! I shall report back to the Gentle Reader later this evening…

Gentle Reader, I have returned from sallying forth. I went first to buy chocolate brownies from Maharat Bakery which is run by a Dutch man. Then I went to share the delicious delicacies with Pim at the massage and tour shop. She gave me fresh coffee to go with the brownies but did not take any herself as she was afraid of getting fat. Between you and me, she already was halfway there but didn’t look bad for it.

Some girls are meant to be large and buxom. Nothing wrong with that.

I spent a pleasant hour chatting with her and then went for a run in the park by the river. It was beautiful with the scent of nutmeg trees in my nostrils and the golden light of the setting sun. I ran once around the entire park and then spent some time on the various exercise bars and contraptions that Thais are so good at providing in their parks.

I returned home to shower. How nice it was to have a full pressure hot shower! It is the little things in life that seem to make all the difference. While I was revelling in thus cleansing myself, P rang.

“Where are you, Pi Ben?”

“In the shower.”

“Hurry up. I want to take you to meet my grandparents.”

Well, it still wasn’t the most exciting invite in the world but it was at least a step in the right direction after the funeral of last night. I dressed and went to meet her father’s parents. They were both Chinese, her grandfather had emigrated from China when he was young and still couldn’t speak Thai very well. He was in his eighties and she was a year older than my father at 74. They were both lovely with a certain charm that some old Chinese people have. I liked them very much.

After some talk, we went off to have dinner at the market. P told me that her father had asked her mother when I was going to ask him for P’s hand in marriage. P assured me that the idea made her sick. She then explained all what would be expected….a big wedding, lots of relations, traditional ceremonies etc. I asked if her father would mind a register office wedding like in England and she told me that all her relatives and friends would be angry. I started to feel rather depressed at the mere thought of it. P then told me that her body ached and she was going to take some medicine and go to sleep.

I realised that, much as I liked her, I really was going to have to look elsewhere if I wanted sex. She just wasn’t interested anymore. But she still obviously wanted to marry me. Why? Just to have kids to please her parents, probably. Then there would definitely be no more sex after that. She told me that if we had children, she would send them to England with me and she would stay here in Thailand and work. And find a kik, she added with a laugh.

Needless to say, I didn’t find her humour in very good taste. A girl simply shouldn’t joke about taking another lover when she isn’t fully looking after her current one.

And yet it had been so different when we first met, I remembered wistfully. Then, she had been a little nympho. A sweet faced little nympho who was fantastic in bed and never argued. Asian women are so good at spoiling a man when they feel inclined to. So when they go off the idea, it can be a traumatic experience.

I bade her goodnight and headed back to my apartment. A heady idea was forming in my fevered brain. Last year when I was here, I’d met B, a Thai woman who was pretty much in the same predicament as I was. She was same age as me, had a great figure and was fantastic in bed. I remembered how she had asked me if I could cum in her mouth because swallowing semen was 'good for her complexion'. She was very ‘Thai style’, had a sexy husky little girl voice and was probably the best unemotionally attached shag I’d ever had. I got all hot and bothered just thinking about her. And I still had her number.

Now, I’d purposely refrained from calling her when I arrived in Krabi. I was in love with P and I had no intention of having more than one girl on the go and all the trouble that came with it. But now the situation was desperate and my lack of sex was starting to affect my relationship with P. Whatever she said or did just seemed to bring the frustrating fact back to me that she didn’t seem interested in having sex with me anymore. As my Gentle Readers who belong to the male sex will know, there is nothing more disheartening, depressing, maddening thing than to have the girl you have strong affection for to do this to you. You spend your time alternatively remembering the good old days when time together was a happy, intimate tiredness between bouts of joyous lovemaking and brooding jealousy. Who is she seeing behind your back? Who is she shagging instead of you?

Anyway, coming back to B. With trembling fingers and thumping heart, I dug out her number and dialled. I found myself thinking that it was ridiculous for a 34 year old man of the world to be feeling like a pubescent teenager but I couldn’t help it.

There was still no sound from the phone. I took it from my ear and looked at the screen. The call had cut out. I tried again. Still nothing. The number must no longer be available.

Feverishly, I checked out her contact details and found an alternative number. I dialled it and it rang! I waited with bated breath. I guess it’s crazy really how

important sex seems to a man who isn’t getting it.

There was no answer. After a while I hung up. I felt calmer now. Perhaps it was just as well. Perhaps I should just be resigned to a married life of celibacy…

I settled back on the bed and switched on the TV. I felt calmer now. It was a warm evening and I don't like to use air conditioning unless I really have to so I was naked. I propped myself up on the pillows and flicked through the channels. There were over 60 of them but there was nothing particularly interesting on. I decided to go to sleep.

Suddenly, my phone rang. My heart started thumping again when I saw that it was B calling me back. I pressed the answer button.

"P Ben!" said B's little girl voice. "Where are you? Are you in Krabi?"

"Yes, yes! Where are you?"

"I'm at home. You not sleeping yet? Are you alone?"

"Yes, I'm alone. Just watching TV." I was getting a hard-on just talking to her.

"Can I come and see you? Are you at the same apartment as last time?"

"Yes, yes!"

"Ok, see you in 20 minutes na."

Exactly twenty minutes later there was a soft knock at my door and B came in, her long glossy hair smelling of perfume, her firm buxom body warm against mine...

Things start to look up

Two beaches down the island, I checked in at Tubtim resort. Here for 700 baht, I got a lovely, teak bungalow overlooking the beach in front and the hills to the left. It was spotlessly clean, had crisp cotton sheets on the big bed and had its own bathroom – although there was no sign of any spiders.

Incredibly, there was a big swell coming in off the ocean. In eight years of coming to Thailand, I’ve never seen decent sized waves but today it was breaking chest height with four foot sets. It was fantastic to bodysurf in such warm water. Unfortunately, I underestimated the power of a shorebreaker wave and got dumped and then dragged on the sand by the force of the water. To make matters worse, there were bits of loose coral there as well. When I got up, my stomach was bleeding and my ears were full of sand. This was the first time I’d suffered an injury through bodysurfing…and in Thailand of all places. I’d bodysurfed since I was a teenager in Cornwall and Australia without any mishap.

In the evening, my friend Bee came from Bangkok to stay with me. She took the speedboat from the mainland but the boat driver did not dare to land on the beach because of the waves. I could have told him that it was perfectly safe to drive in with the waves and then turn and face them in the shallow water but Thai boatmen are not used to waves. The speedboat had to go all the way back to the main island pier which was three or four bays away.

When Bee finally arrived at Tubtim resort, it was dark. I went to meet her as she got down from the pick up trunk taxi. Bee was half Chinese with white skin and long black hair down to her waist. Her figure was full or what the Thais call oarp and what I would call curvy. We went to eat dinner and she told me that Koh Samet was famous as the place where “you were sure to set”. In other words, if you managed to persuade a girl to go to Koh Samet with you then would be sure to “close the deal” or seduce her there.

I laughed when I heard this and told her how when I first came to Thailand, I’d fallen in love with a distant cousin of mine called Noi. I’d asked her to come to Samet with me and, after first making my promise that I wouldn’t tell her grandmother, she agreed.

We stayed together in a little seaside bungalow and slept fully clothed next to each other on a bed. But nothing happened. Bee laughed at my story.

“Noi must have thought you were really stupid,” she said. “All you had to do was to grab her. She was just pretending to be a 'good girl'.  Thai girls always do that.  Any girl who agrees to come alone to Koh Samet with a man is up for it for sure.”

Bee was quite right. After dinner we went for a romantic stroll along the beach in the moonlight and then returned to our bungalow to test her theory.  We spent a pleasant three days living my philosophy of Simplicity and Pleasure” to the max. The food was simple, good and plentiful. The sex was simple, good and plentiful. The bed entered into the spirit of the thing and creaked enthusiastically all night long. The waves murmured gently on the white sands outside. The gentle breeze sighed through the palm trees and wafted the scent of jasmine through the mosquito screens. Bee’s philosophy was always to try and improve herself. This time she wanted to perfect her oral techniques and I was quite happy to indulge her. It was a pleasant few days and when I look back at those days - no doubt through a rosy mist of nostalgia - I realise that simplicity really is the only way to live ones life.