Another really fantastic day. Sunbathe in the morning. Walked to Hippy Bar in the afternoon to look for a DJ called Phin who had borrowed my UK plug adapter the day before.
The bar was empty. I spotted a man sitting on the beach wall, staring out to sea. I went over to him.
“Does somebody work here called Phin? He’s a DJ.”
“Phin? Curly hair?”
“Yes, that’s him.”
“Phin not here. Come this evening.”
I went to visit Yod and Anne who worked at the internet shop and had both agreed to be my “kik” the previous day.
“Khun Ben has come!” they greeted me. “Sit down and have some fruit with us.”
I sat down. Anne gave me some strange-looking but delicious fruit and Yod stood behind my chair massaging my shoulders.
“We are just about to finish work,” she said. “Would you like to come back to our room with us?”
“Only if you give me a massage!” I said and they both laughed.
“Oh, he is crazy about massage!” said Yod. “Ok, Yod will give you a massage. The Ladyboy is there too.”
The “Ladyboy” was Yod’s friend who lived with Yod, Anne and Anne’s younger sister. In England, the Ladyboy would have been a sought after girl. She was tall, strong-limbed and slim with a sexy body. To the Thais though she looked like a ladyboy. Her naturally deep voice did not help her here. Also she was called “Dick” which, although a common enough name in Thailand for a girl, is not a good name for a girl who is not a ladyboy.
Yod assured me that Dick was 100% woman. “Yod has known her since she was 12, I often grab hold of her sex – I’m like that with my friends – and she has her periods every month. She is all woman.”
We left the internet shop and headed along the dirt road that led to the centre of the island. We soon turned off the main track and climbed a steep uneven path towards some bamboo huts on stilts amongst the trees. Three fresh faced, clean cut Americans were coming the other way, their faces radiant with wholesome joy.
“We’ve just been to the viewpoint and saw these trees with a kinda weird white stuff coming outta them,” they told us. “And there’s cups collecting the liquid. What are they?”
“Rubber trees,” said Yod. “We use it to make shoes.”
“Wow! That’s amazing!” enthused the Americans. “Well, thanks for telling us! Have a good day!”
And off they went.
We climbed the steps to Yod’s and Anne’s bungalow and went in. The Ladyboy appeared from the bathroom, her hair wet and a towel wrapped around her breasts.
“Hello!” she beamed at me. “How are you?”
She selected a pair of white knickers from a drawer and proceeded to climb into them.
I sat down on the bed. The walls were made of bamboo weave. A “Dukka” lizard called from a nearby tree. The three girls started talking in a rapid Southern dialect which I could not follow. I got up to go to the bathroom. When I came back Yod was alone.
“Where are the others?” I asked.
“Pi Anne and the Ladyboy have gone to the market to buy food,” she said, smiling. “Would you like a oil massage, Pi Ben?”
“Sure!” I said.
“You need to take off your shorts,” said Yod.
I stripped down to my boxers and lay face down on the bed. It was about six in the evening and the light was fading. Yod got some fragrant oil out of a cupboard and started to work it into my back with practised hands. She was very good. The “Dukka” lizard called lewdly from his tree.
“F*** you! F*** you!” he said.
Anyone who has visited the countryside of Thailand will have heard these “Dukka” lizards. These dark Gollum-like reptiles are rarely seen but often heard. They are about a foot long with big bulging eys and have a surprisingly deep and loud voice. In places far from the tourist trail, their territorial cry usually sounds like “Dukkaaar!” hence the Thai name for them. But I have often noted that on popular islands their cry has evolved to a definite and defiant “F*** you!” If you don’t believe me then go and listen for yourself. This is clearly another example of Western Tourism corrupting local culture and values.
The bar was empty. I spotted a man sitting on the beach wall, staring out to sea. I went over to him.
“Does somebody work here called Phin? He’s a DJ.”
“Phin? Curly hair?”
“Yes, that’s him.”
“Phin not here. Come this evening.”
I went to visit Yod and Anne who worked at the internet shop and had both agreed to be my “kik” the previous day.
“Khun Ben has come!” they greeted me. “Sit down and have some fruit with us.”
I sat down. Anne gave me some strange-looking but delicious fruit and Yod stood behind my chair massaging my shoulders.
“We are just about to finish work,” she said. “Would you like to come back to our room with us?”
“Only if you give me a massage!” I said and they both laughed.
“Oh, he is crazy about massage!” said Yod. “Ok, Yod will give you a massage. The Ladyboy is there too.”
The “Ladyboy” was Yod’s friend who lived with Yod, Anne and Anne’s younger sister. In England, the Ladyboy would have been a sought after girl. She was tall, strong-limbed and slim with a sexy body. To the Thais though she looked like a ladyboy. Her naturally deep voice did not help her here. Also she was called “Dick” which, although a common enough name in Thailand for a girl, is not a good name for a girl who is not a ladyboy.
Yod assured me that Dick was 100% woman. “Yod has known her since she was 12, I often grab hold of her sex – I’m like that with my friends – and she has her periods every month. She is all woman.”
We left the internet shop and headed along the dirt road that led to the centre of the island. We soon turned off the main track and climbed a steep uneven path towards some bamboo huts on stilts amongst the trees. Three fresh faced, clean cut Americans were coming the other way, their faces radiant with wholesome joy.
“We’ve just been to the viewpoint and saw these trees with a kinda weird white stuff coming outta them,” they told us. “And there’s cups collecting the liquid. What are they?”
“Rubber trees,” said Yod. “We use it to make shoes.”
“Wow! That’s amazing!” enthused the Americans. “Well, thanks for telling us! Have a good day!”
And off they went.
We climbed the steps to Yod’s and Anne’s bungalow and went in. The Ladyboy appeared from the bathroom, her hair wet and a towel wrapped around her breasts.
“Hello!” she beamed at me. “How are you?”
She selected a pair of white knickers from a drawer and proceeded to climb into them.
I sat down on the bed. The walls were made of bamboo weave. A “Dukka” lizard called from a nearby tree. The three girls started talking in a rapid Southern dialect which I could not follow. I got up to go to the bathroom. When I came back Yod was alone.
“Where are the others?” I asked.
“Pi Anne and the Ladyboy have gone to the market to buy food,” she said, smiling. “Would you like a oil massage, Pi Ben?”
“Sure!” I said.
“You need to take off your shorts,” said Yod.
I stripped down to my boxers and lay face down on the bed. It was about six in the evening and the light was fading. Yod got some fragrant oil out of a cupboard and started to work it into my back with practised hands. She was very good. The “Dukka” lizard called lewdly from his tree.
“F*** you! F*** you!” he said.
Anyone who has visited the countryside of Thailand will have heard these “Dukka” lizards. These dark Gollum-like reptiles are rarely seen but often heard. They are about a foot long with big bulging eys and have a surprisingly deep and loud voice. In places far from the tourist trail, their territorial cry usually sounds like “Dukkaaar!” hence the Thai name for them. But I have often noted that on popular islands their cry has evolved to a definite and defiant “F*** you!” If you don’t believe me then go and listen for yourself. This is clearly another example of Western Tourism corrupting local culture and values.
However, I was not put out at the lizard’s comment. I stretched luxuriously, enjoying the feeling of Yod’s hands. Another lizard from another bungalow added his own advice.
“F*** her!” he urged. “F*** herrrrr!”
(I swear that all this is true. These lizards sounded exactly like that!)
It was properly dark by the time I left the bungalow. I went to Hippy Bar to see if Phin had turned up yet. There were quite a few people there now. I made my way to the bar.
“Is Phin here yet?
“Phin? Curly hair?”
“Yes, that’s him.”
“Oh, he’s left for Phuket.”
Toe-rag! Still, I had rather expected this. I returned to my room at Cheap Charlies again.
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