30 October
Today, at last, the weather seems to have changed. It is now hot and sunny. This morning the electricity failed. Since almost all plumbing in Thailand is reliant on electric pumps to maintain the water pressure, there was also very little water. Electricity in my apartment was restored after only one hour but when I went to town for breakfast, I found that none of the restaurants had power – so no coffee, toast etc.

Today, June, Dook and Mina (despite many promises, she still hasn’t left yet) are going to Koh Phi Phi. I shall be left in blessed peace at last.

This afternoon, June and Dook went to Koh Phi Phi. Mina did not go. At the last minute she changed her mind and said that she was going home to Pattani instead and would never see me again.

However, as I write this at 10.45pm, she is still here…

Towards the middle of the afternoon, the weather changed its mind and decided to rain solidly for 4 hours. Today I spent 340 baht – 260 baht on food and 80 baht on petrol. Mina told me that I was stupid to buy petrol in the afternoon.

“You should buy petrol early in the morning, about 7 o’clock,” she said. “You will save about 20 baht because it is cooler so the gasoline doesn’t evaporate away when you fill the tank.”

Evening in Krabi

29 October
Mina woke up and started arguing early this morning so I went to have breakfast alone and in peace at Good Dream café. Brian, the manager, was there. He told me that he’d been a dive master here before but after the Tsunami, there had been no work so he’d opened up a guesthouse instead.

It started to rain. I returned to my apartment to find that Mina had already packed her suitcase again. She told me that she was bored with me, that I should find another girlfriend and that she was leaving forever.

I told her to please herself and brushed my teeth. June, my friend who had taken me to the hospital when I was dying, gave me some books on Dhamma to read. Unfortunately, they were in Thai so I couldn’t read them. I thanked her nevertheless and wrote my diary instead. At midday, June asked me to pluck her armpit hairs for her. I decided to put Mr Wilde’s principle to the test and agreed. For all you men out there who are armpit plucking virgins, I would recommend it. It is a curiously addictive sport – not as good as sex perhaps, but a lot less complicated. And it is definitely much better than golf.










Before...........and after.


The weather was overcast but dry in the afternoon. I decided to take my motorbike and do some sightseeing. June asked me to give her a lift to a travel agency in town – she had some friends there and wanted to show them her wedding photos. The travel agency shop was just around the corner from Pizza Firenze. It was full of posters and leaflets advertising speedboat tours and beach bungalows. One place promised “Unseen ultimate sunset”, another bungalow resort featured “clean privates”. June’s friends were exclaiming over her wedding shots and June was explaining who was who and why. “He is very handsome…” “Ah, you should have seen his friend!” “She is beautiful….yes, she has a good figure but she has no bottom and no breasts…” I left them to it and drove off into the great unknown wilderness of Krabi. Today was an accounting record for me. I spent just 320 baht – all of it on food.

Sriboya Guesthouse, Krabi town - good food and cheap too!

28 October
Today I got up early. The sun was shining. After the rain of yesterday, the jungle and mountains looked fresh, green and beautiful. I drove my motorbike to eat breakfast at Good Dream café.

I sipped my coffee and thought agreeably about what I might do today now that the weather had at last improved. Perhaps I would take the motorbike to Ao Nang and swim. Or I might visit the famous Emerald Pool, or the Hot Springs, the Ghost Caves…there was so much that I hadn’t yet done in Krabi.

My toast arrived. I started to spread on jam. I didn’t notice that the sky had become dark. Suddenly, there was a loud crack of thunder and rain came pelting down in solid sheets of grey. It was a writing day again….

In the afternoon, I phoned Ajarn Wipa at Ammartpanichnakul School. She was surprised that I could speak Thai and asked me to email her my CV.

Mina arrived at 2pm, started arguing with me and then unpacked her suitcase.

27 October
Today it rained pretty much solid throughout the day with only a few brief respites. I ate cakes and fruit from the fridge for breakfast. Still, it is a nice day for writing.

Mina phoned to tell me that she was “bored with me” and that she was “coming back tomorrow”. Considering that she had originally planned to stay away for a week, these two statements didn’t seem to really make sense. However, I was an old hand at this game and told her to please herself.

I ate lunch with June at Pizza Firenze. The meal was delicious and cost 445 baht.

In the evening, I met Brian, the manager of Good Dream guesthouse. Brian is from the states and has run the guesthouse since last October. I asked him how he was finding it.

Like most ex-pats I’ve met, he seemed embittered by the unhelpful attitude of the local Thai government, the corruption and the general inefficiency of Thais.

However, he said that it was better than teaching scuba diving – which he said had ruined his love for the sport. And it was better than teaching English – which is pretty much the only other thing a foreigner can do here.

I mentioned that I was interested in teaching in Krabi and he gave me the name and phone number of a contact at Ammartpanichnakul School.

26 October
Today Mina left for Pattani. I got up at 6am and went to the balcony. I looked down at the black asphalt of the road outside my house. Ten Buddhist monks in orange robes were walking in single file below. The lush jungle closed in on both sides. It was an incredible and symbolic sight. I went to breakfast feeling as though the higher being had awoken in me.

I managed to upload my blog despite problems with my internet connection. I lunched at Pizza Firenze with June and then went to visit a mutual friend at Top Charoen, the local opticians.

In the evening, Dook and June went out, leaving me in blessed peace. I wrote my diary and listened to Mozart. Afterwards, I went to eat at Sriboya Tour restaurant on Uttarakit Road. A good meal there including coffee afterwards cost 90 baht. Plus you can choose from the vast selection of DVDs to watch a movie free as well. I saw the Beach. I had been to the location but had never watched the film. It was ok but not Leonardo Decaprio’s best performance.

25 October
Today Mina and I returned from Koh Phi Phi after having spent 2 days more than we had originally intended. I met my friend Duen from the bookshop. She was now working in the massage shop. I asked her how it was.

“It’s good,” she said. “I get to keep half of what I earn and today I got a hundred baht tip. Today a farang asked if I would do special massage but I said no. Go to shop over there.”

And she pointed to the massage shop across the road.

“How much does a special massage cost?” I asked curiously.

“One thousand up. Maybe two thousand. And the massage girl keeps it all because she can’t special massage in shop. Must go to customer’s room.”

“Have you ever been tempted to do “special massage”?”

“No, the girls over there earn more money but they like to use more money so it’s the same.”

I went to see Sally and Poon at Top Charoen, the opticians. Sally is manager and was busy going over the accounts. Poon is assistant manager and was busy texting on her phone. Both looked up as I entered.

“Pi Ben, has your brother seen my picture yet?” asked Poon earnestly.

“Yes,” I said. She brightened.

“Oh good! Does he want to be my boyfriend?”

“He says that you look sweet but that he isn’t rich.”

“Pi Ben! No problem! He can get rich! You must send him another picture of me! A more beautiful picture…I will put make up on and you can take another picture of me…”

She went to a mirror and started putting on whitening powder. Sally got up.

“Pi Ben, don’t touch me, ok?”

“What?”

“I’m going to pray – Muslim must pray five times a day. So don’t touch me before I pray. Just a moment, na. Afterwards, you can touch me where ever you like…”

21 October
Today we intend to go to Koh Phi Phi. I got up early but had to wait for ages for Mina and the others to be ready. I am growing tired of having guests now. Dook and June spent the morning texting farang men that they’d met the night before, giggling and generally behaving like adolescent teenager girls – rather than women in their late 20s.

All this brought out my conservative puritan side and, after June and Dook had gone, I vented my feelings to Mina.

“This,” I said sternly, “Is why so many farang men look down on Thai ladies. It is the behaviour of girls like June and Dook that make farang men think that Thai girls are easy bar girls etc.”

My lecture over, we drove into town to have breakfast at Good Dream Café.

A picture of me trying to reach the light

19 October
Today I didn’t do much except catch up with my diary. It rained quite a bit so we couldn’t go to Ao Nang.

Blood, smoke, action.....

18 October
Today I woke up in my new apartment and looked about me with a certain satisfaction. The morning light was coming in through the big French windows and everything in my apartment looked clean and neat. Outside, I could see mountains and trees, fresh after the night’s rain. Mina was sleeping on the tiled floor – she liked the floor because it was cool. June was on the bed next to me although on the opposite side.

There was a knock on the door. I got up and opened it and Dook came in. The atmosphere today was so different from last night. All three women seemed inclined to be civil towards each other. After some rather stilted polite conversation, they discovered a common subject of interest – me. Or rather, all that was bad about me.

It is probably not a good idea for one’s current girlfriend and one’s previous girlfriend to get into an animated discussion together – especially when Dook and Mina started comparing dates. To their delighted horror, they soon discovered that my relationship with Dook had quite a considerable overlap with my relationship with Mina. For the rest of the day, they were the best of friends and, amidst much laughter, talked about my faults, the possibility of me having other parallel girlfriends, the invisible snakes in my hair etc. To my amazement, they did not bore of the subject – and even now while I write this at 9.30pm, they are still talking animatedly.

I went to Grand Tower hotel today and rented an automatic motorbike for 3,000 baht for 20 days. I went to buy petrol and it cost 65 baht to fill the tank up from empty.

This afternoon was the Jay Vegetarian Festival – an appalling and rather sickening spectacle. I had seen it in Bangkok and Chachaongsao – but there it had been a harmless affair of a handful of stalls adorned with yellow flags selling vegan food. Here, it was different.

There were the yellow flags and vegan food stalls – but they were only a small part of the festival in Krabi. The first I saw of it was when I was at the Grand Tower to rent my motorbike. Suddenly, there came deafening racket of firecrackers and then two half naked men, covered in body paint, ran into the shop. They were brandishing long whips, waving black flags, wailing in low voices and seemed generally agitated.

Half the staff dropped to their knees with awed looks on their faces, the other staff lounged about laughing and chatting. The two men in body paint were not put off. They rushed to the shrine (most shops in Thailand have a shrine), whacked the floor in front of the shrine a few times and then ran urgently around the shop, waving their flags frantically over the head of anyone who was in their way. The elderly owner of the shop followed them on bended knees and encouraged them to visit every corner of her premises.

The two men then hurried out with their whips and flags and leapt onto the back of a waiting white pickup while their white robed followers set off more firecrackers. The pickup then moved off in a convoy towards the town centre.

In the afternoon, we went to the town centre. There, a big crowd of several hundred people were gathered around a group of about 20 who were all dressed in white. They were engaged in polishing an extraordinary array of lethal looking knives, axes and metal spiked weapons of various sizes ranging from 18 inches to 10 feet long.

These instruments of torture were laid out on a big table and people kept adding to the arsenal. A toothless old man came up proudly holding aloft a huge and ancient tree cutting saw. The crowd watched on with a mixture of delighted horror and admiration. Women held up their babies to get a better look.

We went into Swensen to get an ice-cream. From our table, we had an excellent view.

A pickup drew up, the huge speakers on the back beating out a steady monotonous beat of a bass drum. The people in white started waving flags frantically and running around. There came the deafening burst of firecrackers and smoke. A man burst forth suddenly from the crowd. He was dressed in dark red robes and gaunt shoulders were covered in tattoos. He was shaking his head violently from side to side while he danced and pranced in some kind of uncontrollable crazed ecstasy. He ran out into the road and fell against the bonnet of a pickup, his whole body shaking as if in an epileptic fit.

Two men in white grabbed him and cracked their whips and waved their flags urgently over his head. The drums increased their tempo. More firecrackers were set off. Groups of men in yellow yelled and started shaking what looked like small spirit houses on stretchers amidst the smoke. Everywhere was a riot of noise and confusion. The crowd watched on delightedly.

Now was the time for the main attraction and all eyes turned expectantly to the table of weapons. Four men in white selected a ten foot long steel spike and gave it a final loving polish. The man in the dark red robes came staggering forth, his body still shaking, his eyes rolling and his head turning from side to side.

Two men in red caught him and held his head steady. Someone else produced a large kettle and poured water over his head. I have no idea if it was hot or not. The four men in white with the ten foot long steel spike came up and started discussing the best place to put it.

In the end, they decided to stick it through his left cheek. One of them took aim while the other three prepared to push. The man aiming gave the signal and they rammed it straight in one cheek and out through the other.

I decided to go down and take some photos. By the time I had made my way through the crowd to him, his friends had managed to stick several other smaller spikes into various parts of his face and neck. He stood there, clutching onto the big steel rod through his face, his body shaking as he tried to control the pain. I took his picture – he was a piercing addict’s dream.

There were several other unfortunate people standing dumbly behind him with metal spikes sticking out of their body. I noticed that there was a curious absence of blood. People were pouring water almost continuously over them so maybe the blood was washed away.

The tempo of the drumming increased. More firecrackers were set off, creating more noise, smoke and confusion. I glanced quickly around. Everyone had a crazed animalistic look about them. My instinct told me that it was only a matter of minutes before they would start lusting for human blood. It was time to go. I beat a hasty retreat towards my motorbike. I wanted to live to tell the tale.

17 October
Today I returned to Krabi. I caught the 2pm boat with Pin, Dook and June. Pin was going to Bangkok to buy new stock for her shop, Dook and June were going to stay with me in my new apartment.

This morning, Mina rang me to say that she was going to come up from Patanni and see me. I warned her that it might not be convenient as this was going to be the first night in my new apartment, it might not be ready, my friends might be staying etc.

Naturally, Mina flew into a huff and said that of course I wanted to see all my other girlfriends instead. I told her that she was more than welcome to come – but my apartment might not be ready. What time would she be arriving? Ten or eleven at night. Well, wouldn’t it be better to spend the night in a hotel and see me in the morning? No, of course not.

At 9.30pm Mina arrived at my apartment. I went downstairs to meet her. She said not a word when I told her that Dook and June were also staying due to Dook’s relatives filling her house. She followed me sulkily upstairs and did not look at either Dook or June as she entered but started unpacking her suitcase, her small face dark with rage.

Dook and June gave her one glance and then ignored her. It was an awkward atmosphere that night. I went to bed early.

16 October.
Today I spent the morning teaching English and reading Dr Jenkel and Mr Hyde. In the afternoon, I went to Long Beach to swim with June and Dook who were spending the night there.

I tried to get a taxi boat there but all the boatmen refused to take me because I was only one person and nobody else wanted to go. So I walked in the hot sun over the rocks and sand and saw two monitor lizards on the way.

When I arrived, Dook and June had already swum and showered. I went in by myself. I spent a lazy half hour floating around and watching the colourful fish who did not seem in the least bit afraid of me.

Afterwards, we went to the restaurant and I ordered a sandwich while they shared a sundae. It was dark by the time I was ready to go back. I went to the where the boat drivers waited.

“You want boat boat?” they enquired.

“Yes, I want to go to Ton Sai,” I replied.

“How many person?”

“Just me.”

“Wait wait. Have to wait for another person. Sit down. Wait a moment.”

I sat down and waited. It was a pleasant balmy night and the stars were bright overhead. The waves murmured on the shore. A passing mosquito, pausing idly to bite one of the boatmen, spotted me instead. He stared for a moment, not quite believing his luck and then rushed off to tell all his mates about the sweet blooded farang who was sitting foolishly in the dark with the sour blooded locals.

I sprayed on mosquito repellent and kept an eye out for prospective passengers. In fact, I was more eager for them than the boatmen themselves. Three young women strolled past. They were all tall, tanned and beautiful. I accosted them eagerly.

“Boat boat! Hey, where you go? You want boat trip? Yes? Maya Bay – we take you see beautiful islands,” I added rather recklessly.
They paused. “How much to go to the town?” they asked.

“One hundred baht,” replied one of the boatmen.

“What, for three people?”

“No, one hundred baht for one person.”

“Why so much?”

Jesus! I thought. Do you wanna trek across the jungle instead? Hurry up, I’m getting bitten to death here!

“It’s night time,” I explained helpfully. “The price goes up for night time”

They hesitated for a moment and then to my intense relief, they decided to go. We all got into the boat and I needed to use the flashlight on my phone to help them in. They told me that they were all from Canada and were traveling in Thailand for a month before heading off to explore Australia. They wanted to go to the town for some nightlife.

15 October
Today I got up early and snorkeled off Shark Point again. When I returned to shower, I noticed several of the staff staring at a bush near my bungalow. I asked them what they were looking at.

“Snake!” said a man and threw a stone at the bush. I went closer and sure enough, there was a beautiful bright emerald and dark blue snake about a meter long. It was perfectly still on a branch and one third of its body was held stiff in the air. I wished that I could have photographed it.

I checked out and then returned to Pin’s shop at midday and ate lunch with June. In the afternoon I played volleyball with a Canadian, a German, a couple of Americans and a few local Thais. My game has improved greatly and my team even won – with me serving the winning point!

Dook came to Phi Phi today. She seems to have recovered from her bad mood, merely remarking that I was an old, balding man with a bad character who had “more than 10 snakes in my hair…”

I checked in the mirror to verify this but thankfully saw no serpents. I realized that this must be a Thai figure of speech and asked June to explain. She told me that I had 17 snakes in my hair and refused to elaborate further.

I gave up and went to take a shower. As I headed towards Pin’s shop, I heard two local girls planning the evening.

“I know what,” said one. “Let’s go take a shower, dress up sexy and then get drunk…”

I didn’t hear if there was anymore to her plan because just then, the amplified lament of a Muslim calling the faithful to prayer echoed across the island and drowned out the rest of what she said.

The indigenous population of Koh Phi Phi is made up of a mixture of Buddhists and Muslims. Both religions forbid the consumption of alcohol and yet the bars are always full with locals. I have been to only one restaurant here which bans alcohol on the premises. It is run by a quiet Muslim family and serves excellent Thai and Farang food. It is almost always deserted…

14 October
Today I had breakfast with June. In the afternoon, I went to Long Beach. I had a wonderful time. The snorkeling was even better than Rantee Beach although the coral was not as pretty. But the sheer volume and variety and ocean life more than made up for it. I swam with sword fish and saw at least 10 reef sharks.

Towards the end of the afternoon, the sky grew dark and I decided to stay the night there instead of braving the long trek back to Pin’s shop. I was soon glad of my decision because soon the skies opened and there was a full on tropical thunder storm.

13 October
In the morning, a baby monkey joined me for breakfast. The cook told me that its mother had died and the rest of the monkey troupe had rejected it so she had taken it on. The baby monkey was 3 months old male and played happily with a small toddler and a cream coloured cat that also lived there. The cook offered it a banana to eat but it was more interested in my coffee. She told me that it was very fond of hot coffee.

I checked out at 10.30 and then slogged up through the hot, steaming jungle. By the time I got back to Pin’s shop, I was exhausted and my legs were shaking. My shirt was completely soaked with sweat. I took a shower and then went to PP Bakery and ordered a salad sandwich. After lunch, I had a massage and then taught English to Pin, Poon and Dar.

Some pictures...

Morning make up... ...and breakfast.





Dum the local cat takes a snooze....

Pi Aminah.

12 October
Today I ate breakfast at Pin’s shop. After lunch I went to Rantee Bay. This was accessible only after an exhausting trek up a steep mountain jungle path and then down the other side. The path was more of a waterway rather than a proper path and involved lots of swinging off tree creepers and tripping over their trailing roots. There were lots of big mosquitoes as well.

However, the long hike was worth it. Rantee Bay is a quiet, lovely beach with powdery white sand shaded by leafy Caucasian trees. I was hot and sweaty after my trek through the jungle so went straight in for a swim. The water was crystal clear and colourful tropical fish swam around my feet. I couldn’t believe how many there were – I had never seen anything like it.

“I’m going back to hire some snorkeling equipment!” I decided.

I turned to go and tripped over a piece of coral. As I stumbled for balance in the waist deep water, my right foot brushed against something and sharp pain immediate shot through me!

When I looked down to see what it was, I saw a nasty looking animal with long black spines on the coral. I lifted my foot and saw that two of its spines were imbedded in the side below my ankle.

Fearing an imminent and painful death, I hobbled ashore and sought assistance at the little restaurant. Luckily, a very competent Aussie couple were eating there and took charge. They told me that although the fish was poisonous, I wasn’t going to die and rubbed lemon juice into my wounds. I was lucky that it was only two spines and that they were in the side of the foot. It I had trod on the beast normally then I wouldn’t have been able to walk. The black spines were deeply imbedded and could not be taken out. They would be dissolved by my body in about 3 months.

After about 15 minutes, the pain in my foot disappeared, although it was still swollen. I returned to the water with a kayak and my snorkeling gear. I paddled out to a likely looking spot and moored my kayak to a small fishing buoy. I entered the water.

It was the best snorkeling I have ever experienced. The visibility was excellent and there were big walls of coral literally teeming with life. I was surrounded by parrot fish, tiger fish, spear fish and all sorts that I did not recognize. When I returned to where I’d tied the kayak, I looked down and saw a solid mass of moving brown. There was at least a thousand fish in that shoal. They were brown on top but their underneath was silver so that the shoal sparkled as every now and then, one of them decided to turn over.

After many hours, I returned to the shore to find that I had missed the last boat back to the main part of the island. There was no point in attempting that long hazardous trek back through the jungle this late so I decided to spend the night.

The bungalows were simple, bamboo and wood affairs with electricity from 6pm to 4 in the morning. They cost between 300 – 400 baht per night. I took a 400 baht one, although there was very little difference from the cheaper 300 baht option. All had attached bathrooms but they had no roofs so were practically open air. It was actually very pleasant to take a cold shower and see the jungle all around. It really felt like you were “getting back to nature”!

The limited electricity meant that the place was dead quiet except for the noises of the jungle. It was an incredibly peaceful and relaxing place to stay. At night, I ate at the simple restaurant by the beach and watched the hoards of large crabs that chased the big heavy leaves that fell from the Caucasian trees.

11 October
Today I worked in the bookshop again. I met 3 Americans who were traveling in Thailand for a month after finishing their studies. They were a nice bunch, 2 men and a girl. They were looking for a place called Garlic Restaurant.

Late afternoon, I went to the island viewpoint. I had to climb 300 steep steps – which were a breeze after the Tiger Cave Temple – and then a further kilometer or so up a steepish slope. At the top I was rewarded by beautiful panoramic views of the island and beaches. I saw several exotic looking tropical forest birds as well. One looked like cross between a woodpecker and some kind of great tit and the other bird was large with white wings and a black body. It flew at incredible speed through the forest.

While I was enjoying a well earned drink at the viewpoint café, I met an Irish girl called Kate who had lost her camera whilst drunk at Koh Phang Nang 3 days ago. I offered to take pictures of her at the viewpoint and email to her. She was very grateful and told me that she and a friend had starting traveling through south-east Asia 3 months ago and were planning to continue onto Australia for New Year.

In the evening, I ate at an Italian restaurant with Pin then went to bed early.

10 October
I awoke early and went for a swim. The tide was in and the clear emerald water got deep very quickly. The sheer towering cliffs were a perfect backdrop to the palm tree lined white sands. It was paradise.

After a while, the sun grew too hot. I returned to Pin’s shop, showered and then went to help Duen in the bookshop. She started telling me all about her boyfriend troubles.

“I’ve been here on Phi Phi for 13 years,” she said as she taped up a box of books. “But I’ve never had a farang boyfriend.”

“Do you want one?”

“Yes, of course! But I don’t want to sell myself for sex first.”

I didn’t at first see the connection. “What do you mean?”

“I spoke to a woman once who has a farang boyfriend and she told me that she had to sell herself for two thousand baht 20 times before she found a farang who loved her. And I am afraid that I might die of HIV before I find a husband.”

“Duen,” I said. “That’s crazy! You don’t have to become a prostitute in order to have a farang boyfriend! Who was this woman, anyway?”

“Well, she worked in a bar…”

“Well, there you are! And of course the men she met would have been that kind of farang. But not all farang men are here for sex! Think of me.”

“You’re not a farang. You’re half Thai. I think in 100 people, maybe 80 are here for sex first. A farang man told me.”

I decided to change the subject. “How many days a week do you work here?” I asked.

“Everyday.”

“And how much do you get paid?”

“6,000 baht a month and free room.”

Wow, I thought. That’s less than 100 pounds a month for working 7 days a week!

“How much money does this shop take a year?”

Duen reached for the account book and opened it. “Last year we take nearly two million baht (about 30,000 pounds)” she said.

“What’s the profit margin”

“If we buy a book for 100 baht, we sell it for 350 baht.”

I nodded thoughtfully. It was obvious that teaching English was not necessarily the best way of making money here.

9 October
Today I woke up, refreshed after a good nights sleep. The weather was hot and sunny. I rang Gook and wished her a Happy Birthday. She told me that today wasn’t her birthday – it was tomorrow but she thanked me nevertheless.

I had breakfast with Pin at PP Bakery and then went and sat in PP Bookshop with Duen and chatted with her in English. Pin came to join us and made me coffee. Afterwards, I checked my email, applied for a job in Krabi teaching English and then had a Thai massage. It is a lazy and pleasant life here.

I wanted to take my dirty washing to a laundry shop but my friends would not hear of it. Varn insisted on washing it all by hand for me.

In the late afternoon, when the sun was low over the mountains, I played beach volleyball with Dee, a German called John and a few others. I soon discovered that I was appallingly bad but enjoyed myself nevertheless. At sunset, I went for a swim and then returned to Pin’s shop at dusk.

After dinner, I showed Poon a picture of my brother Piers and she was immediately interested.

“P’Ben! Send him my picture!” she urged. “I want farang boyfriend…rich farang boyfriend to take care me. Not stingy man, please!”

The other girls laughed at her.

“Little Elephant! You must to waxing your legs first if you want a farang boyfriend!” said Duen.

“I am to waxing my legs,” said Poon earnestly. “But it hurts because Poon has much hair!”

8 October
Today Mina went back home to Patanni. I took the boat to Koh Phi Phi. It is as beautiful as ever. My friends Varn and Duen met me at the pier with a trolley for my suitcase. Everyone seemed glad to see me and I received four separate invites to sleep at their place. In the end I agreed to sleep at Pin’s and Varn’s house. I went for a long swim at sunset. It was lovely to float on my back in the clear warm emerald water and watch the sun go down over the mountains. I returned to Pin and Varn’s shop at dusk and took a shower while Pin cooked me a meal.

7 October
When I awoke, the golden morning sunlight was shining through the soft rain falling on the mountains outside our window.

It was a beautiful scene and I stretched luxuriously on the crisp cotton sheets of the four poster bed and watched it for a while. Then I sprang out of bed and took a cold shower before doing my exercises. Some sixth instinct told me that, not far below, a full continental breakfast was calling me…

And so it was. After I had demolished 4 croissants, 3 pieces of toast, a place of fresh fruit and a few cups of coffee, I felt ready for whatever new adventures the day might bring.

The day’s adventure consisted of returning to the Grand Tower in Krabi and then taking an ancient and rather decrepit long boat to Khao Khanab Nam Cave.

This was a wondrous place – part Mines of Moria from Lord of the Rings and part Nature’s cathedral. It was lit by natural formed light shafts in the walls of the cave. Tiny swifts nested amongst the stalagmites hanging from the ceiling 50 feet above and called quietly to each other as they flitted to and fro. Somewhere deep in the darker places, water dripped steadily. It must have been possible to live here then. Apparently it is not uncommon to find human skeletons here dating from ancient times.

On the way back from the cave, we visited a fish farm. This was a ramshackle affair consisting of floating wooden planks and nets submerged in the brown water. We landed our boat and a small squat Thai man came out of a little floating hut and grinned at us.

“Fish fish!” he said and nodded at the old planks at his feet.

We stared down into the murky water but there didn’t seem much to see. He squatted down on the wet wood and reached into the water. He brought up a fish and grinned at us again.

“See! Fish!” he said.

His fish immediately started gulping in air in a pumping motion and rapidly blew itself up until it was the shape and size of a small football covered in spines. Its face looked remarkably Gollum-like.

"Put us back in the water nassty man! Yesss!" it hissed.

He put it back in the water where upon it deflated itself and slunk below the surface again.

After the fish farm, we returned to our hotel. Dook called to say that there was a studio flat available at the place we’d been to see before. I went to see with her and agreed to take it. Mina and I ate dinner at Pizza Firenzi. We invited Dook to join us but she declined. She is still sulking.

6 October
This morning it rained and rained and rained! We ate breakfast at a place called Ao Nang Cuisine. The food was nice but very Thai. As we left, I noticed a sign which thanked us for our custom and wished our families luck forever!

After breakfast, the steady heavy rain continued so we decided to stay another night as there was obviously no point in going anywhere when the weather was like this. After I’d paid, Mina told me that we could have stayed at Bah’s luxury resort for only 1,800 baht! Bah could have got us in on an “inspection”. Why she didn’t tell me before is a mystery! Perhaps she wanted to save it as a subject to argue about…

The rain continued. We sat in our dismal room and waited for the rain to stop. It didn’t. We started thinking about Bah’s luxury resort with swimming pool and spa…

For want of anything better to do, I wrote my diary and Mina wrote her poems. She was very fond of writing love poem. After a while, she went outside. Suddenly she came back in again, beaming.

“I’ve got a refund!” she said. “I spoke nicely to the man at reception and he’s given us our money back!”

I jumped up. “What are we waiting for? Let’s go!”

I packed my suitcase while Mina phoned for Anas to pick us up. In less than 10 minutes we were pulling up in front of the entrance of Vogue Pranang Bay Resort and uniformed and gloved staff were taking our suitcases, bowing and opening doors, ushering us into cream leather sofas while the manager himself brought us drinks and scented white towels to wipe our hands on…

I started to feel suspicious. Surely, not all customers coming from 500 baht guesthouses received such VIP treatment? I turned to Mina, who was smiling graciously and looking pretty pleased with herself.

“Who do they think we are?” I asked her in a low undertone. “What have you told them? Who are we supposed to be?”

“I told the manager that I am from Petcherat Marina and that it is an inspection,” she whispered. “Everybody knows Petcherat here. I used to be their marketing manager and I showed him my old card. I think he was suspicious at first because there was no letter beforehand but I told him that I was in a hurry. So I got him to phone my old boss at Petcherat – he is a good friend of mine. And he told the manager that ‘yeah, Mina is with us.’”

Soon, we were viewing the rooms which were pretty palatial compared to what we’d just come from. Mina told me that if it was an inspection from a well known big company, then the resort would discount heavily and give us 5 star treatment because of the hoped for follow up custom.

In the end, we settled for a top end open plan style honeymoon suite complete with big circular bathtub next to the huge four poster bed. The views were breathtaking and it had everything you might expect in such a place. The non-discounted low season price was 15,000 baht and they let Mina have it for 2,500 baht.

After the staff had left us, closing the door softly behind them, Mina and I went round our suite, gloating over every detail. Then we straightened our faces, changed into our swimwear and went for a swim in the pool below our balcony.

5 October
Today, we decided to go to Ao Nang. The boyfriend of Mina’s friend Bah came to collect us in a brand new sports pickup. His name was Anas and he was 23 – ten years younger than her. He took us to a rather posh place called Vogue Pranang Bay Resort where Bah was catering manager.

Bah was a very nice woman in her early thirties. She had recently been divorced and had obviously taken on Anas as a stopgap. She gave us coffee and then took us on an inspection of the resort which was beautifully done with spa, swimming pool, old style wood carvings, lush gardens etc. But it cost over 10,000 baht a night to stay there – which is more than a months salary for a Bangkok office worker.

Anas told us that before he had worked for Vogue Pranang Bay Resort as a driver. However, one day Natalie Galvbolva – the former Miss Universe, had come to stay with her fiancée the Thai tennis champion Paradon Srichaphan. There had been no driver to pick them up after dinner one night and, after she’d made a fuss, Anas had been sacked. Now he was looking for driving work again.

After the tour, Anas took us to Ao Nang where we took a rather drab and cheerless room which was by the seafront but had absolutely zero view as the one small window faced a dirty concrete wall about two feet away. However it had air con, hot water, refrigerator, cable TV etc for only 500 baht so was very good value for money.

After we’d unpacked our bags, Mina and I went for a swim in the sea and then had dinner with Bah and Anas at a lovely beach side restaurant.

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3 October
This morning was spent packing my suitcase etc. I checked out of my hotel and then went to the main road and flagged down a taxi. The driver pulled up. He was a balding Chinese looking man of about 45 years with a pony tail and pointed beard.
“Can you take me to Don Mung?” I asked. He nodded and I loaded my suitcase into the boot and then got in.

“Ah, er you don’t need meter?” he suggested hopefully.

“Yes, meter!” I said firmly in Thai.

“Oh,” he said disappointedly and turned it on. “I thought you were a foreigner…”

We spent the journey in pleasant chit chat. He told me that he was half Chinese, that he was from Bangkok and that people from the South and from Isan were “not to be trusted”. The women were “worse than the men”, he finished. I thanked him for his advice. By the time we’d reached the airport, the meter stood at 167. I gave him 180 baht and told him to keep the change. We both departed on our respective ways, invigorated.

I flew with Thai Air and had a good and uneventful flight. We arrived at Krabi International Airport on time and I took a cab to the Grand Tower Inn. It was a different world from Bangkok. The roads were good, the traffic light and orderly and everywhere was so clean. I sat back in the cream leather seat of the taxi and silently rejoiced. This was a place to write.

I checked in and then went to eat at Pizza Firenzi– a wonderful Italian restaurant run by a Thai woman who is married to a retired Italian stockbroker. After a delicious meal, I met with my friend Dook.